nowadays, most blogs that I read are about 'sad, anger, hate, miss...' well same goes to me, this week can be listed as a tough week for me, not physically but emotionally. every night I will cry, I cried about myself, about myself who doesnt know how to be grateful, I'm a slave who never obeyed to her Creator's instruction. I cried about the world that is about to end. I cried about how bad I am towards my friends. how cruel I am towards my family. how rude I am towards my parents. how disobedient I am towards school's rules and teachers instruction, how far I am from the Al-Jannah (Heaven). I wasn't born to be this bad, I grew up with nice people around me, I grew up with many good examples showed to me. see? I am the one who created this life. I am the one who walked away from the right path, so who else to be blamed except for myself?
I'm sorry for all my wrong doings. I didn't mean to hurt each and every one of you.
Just now at school, my best friend suddenly changed her mood, she became moody. I felt terrible, I thought I'm the one that changed her mood. but she told me that it wasn't my fault. but I know, I know it's my fault. I'm so sorry.
Yesterday, one guy texted me asking me to wake him up at 6:15AM, maybe because he wanted to study since he is having an exam, SPM trial exam. I woke up at 5:10 and felt bad to wake him up that early, so I decided to sleep back. suddenly I woke up, it was already 6:30. I called him but he didn't pick up, my bad. I know it was my fault. I hope he did his exam well enough, Im so sorry.
on the first day of Raya, I fought with my brother. I know I am not a good sister, not like his friends' sisters. they are way better than me, I admit I hated him so much back then but now I've started to love him the way he is, to appreciate everything he's doing, to support him in everything he is trying to achieve, to help him when he needs help, to be with him when he needs someone to talk to. but yeah, we fought on the FIRST day of Raya until now, I miss you. I'm so sorry.
My mum asked me about my result, my UF2 result. I promised her a good result but I didn't manage to get it. my result is a bullshit, pardon me for using a bad word. I broke her heart, I broke my promise. not that I didn't study, but I know it wasn't enough. I know I can do better, but my effort is not up to that level yet. I'm still in my honeymoon-year mood. I'm so sorry.
Everyday, I don't really perform my Solat, I only do it when I'm in the mood of doing it, I don't take it as a serious matter. I turned my back to God's instruction. God, I'm sorry, I am really really sorry :'(
Salam.